October 09, 2003 - 11:08 a.m.

Yesterday, I was reading a women's magazine -- it doesn't matter which one -- and I came across this reader question the beauty column:

"My lips tend to get extremely chapped when the weather gets cold. Why does this happen -- and how can I prevent it?"

To me, the most obvious answer to this question is, "So, have you always been a moron, or did you recently suffer a head injury?"

But I guess that's why I don't write a beauty column. Because as it turned out, this question required a five-paragraph answer. Who knew? Of course, those five paragraphs boil down to "wear lip balm." But perhaps the author felt she needed to ease into that advice, that it wasn't something one could just come right out and say, lest one shock the sensibilities of more delicate readers.

Now, I realize that this is the age of e-mail, and that it's easier than ever to fire off asinine missives about lip balm. It's not right -- not even a little bit -- but it is easy.

What scares me, though, is the possibility that this letter was not sent via e-mail. Let's just stop and ponder that for a moment. It is possible that someone took the time to type up or write out this question, find an envelope, dig up a stamp, and go the post office or a mailbox.

I find that scenario horrifying. And it doesn't even take into account the thought process that led up to the actual writing of the letter. Did she have no friends she could ask about this problem? Or was she just too embarrassed about her hideously chapped lips to confide in anyone but a trained professional? Did she do a lot of research on various women's magazines before she decided to entrust her secret shame to this particular publication?

As you can see, I've spent way too much time thinking about this. But then, I've always been fascinated and a little bit baffled by people who write letters to the editor. Maybe it's because I'm such a terrible correspondent myself. If I get my Christmas cards out by February, it's a miracle. (It's not the writing but the finding of envelopes and stamps that stymies me.) I can't imagine willingly sending a letter I wasn't socially obligated to write.

I suppose I can almost see writing to a newspaper or magazine about a poltical issue or because you think they got something wrong. I've been the editorial page editor at two different newspapers (I know. I can't believe someone would give me that job either.), and while dealing with those letters was sometimes annoying, it was at least interesting.

But what about people who write in about beauty products or because they're really angry about the bad review given to the latest Tom Cruise movie? In almost every issue, Entertainment Weekly seems to have a letter from someone thanking the magazine for its last cover story. Don't get me wrong -- I was happy to see the Queer Eye fellows on the cover, too. I just can't imagine ever being moved enough to put pen to paper about it.

I guess it's likely that these aren't real letters at all. Maybe some lip balm mogul or Tom Cruise's publicist is behind all this. I kind of hope that's the case, in fact. Because otherwise, someone really did write a letter to a magazine about chapped lips.

And I'm just not sure I want to live in a world where that's possible.

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